He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
