I must be too annoying 4 u.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
