Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
