is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
