I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
