You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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