Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
