Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
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