We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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