I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
