Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
