You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
