Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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