Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
