dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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