you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
