I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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