dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
