thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
