now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
