So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
