Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
