I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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