I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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