Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
