Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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