He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
