I hate all girls vehemently.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Can I color on your dick again?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
