Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
i think my cat just said my name.
Randomize
