Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
