That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
