I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
