Heybabeimwearingurpanties
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
