Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
