he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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