Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I need water and some morals
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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