Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
