I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
