Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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