If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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