how can u be prego again
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
