I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Randomize
