just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
whose parrot is this?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
