Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
