perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
