Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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