Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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