Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
