I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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