first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
