benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
