we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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