oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
