I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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