It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
