lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
