Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
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